Socialization is Overrated

Because we homeschool, people often ask us about "socialization." Inevitably these are people that (1) have not been around our kids, and (2) don't know many homeschool families. I totally understand the question. It is reasonable for people to have the idea that kids who are homeschooled are deprived of time with other kids which is - in their mind - essential to child development. I have four responses to this kind of question:

1. Kids are Bad (Teachers). The first, and totally honest response, is that I think socialization with other kids is vastly overrated and often detrimental. From a development perspective, I want my kids to socialize with and be able to interact with adults, not other kids. They know how to act like kids - they are kids. Furthermore, kids are often mean, misbehave, are disrespectful, make bad decisions and just generally act in a fashion different from how I want my kids to behave. Kids are, by definition, immature. Kids need to be taught how to interact with others by adults, not kids. It takes kids years to learn social norms and ethical behavior and other kids are just not the right instructors. Don't get me wrong, most kids are good kids and some kids are even good examples. However, it is common sense that parents should not rely on their children's peers to teach them how to behave. Therefore, on balance, more time with well meaning adults that care about them (parents, church leaders, coaches) is better than more time with other kids.
2. Training Now, Socialization Later - An often quoted parenting verse from the bible says "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" Proverbs 22:6 (KJV). Today's NIV version (which is not as good as the last NIV version) says it this way "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." (TNIV) The idea here is that Christian parents have a responsibility to train their children in moral, ethical and social behavior in their formative years. I think homeschool parents (generally moms) have a better opportunity to fulfill this responsibility - simply because they have more time with their kids. This does NOT mean that homeschooling is the only way to do it. It is just easier when you homeschool. Basically, we are lazy and taking the easy road. How long do parents have this responsibility? I don't think anyone knows and it is likely different for every child. However, I plan to be basically done at age 19 with my kids. With that being said, socialization with friend is important as kids get older. Clearly they need to be able to interact with their peers and good socialization skills are important later in life.
   
3. You Should Meet My Kids. No one that knows my kids asks us the socialization question. All my girls are very social - almost too social. Brittany and Triniti are Type A outgoing to the extreme. Noelle is very social with a pile of friends. It already looks like Skylin is going to fall in line with the other girls in this fashion. Shawn Jr. is the noted exception. He is a little shy but interacts just fine with kids he knows.
4. My Kids Get Plenty of (Controlled) Socialization. My final response is - you should see our schedule. My kids get plenty of interaction with other kids. Let me give you an example of the madness. This was our schedule yesterday (May 17th):

• 12:00 (midnight) - Brittany at a D Group (Christian Discipleship Group) sleepover
• 12:00 (midnight) - Shawn Jr. at sleepover with Cole Johnson (friend from his Thunder homeschool basketball team)
• 8:00 am - Brittany basketball game (Team Power vs. Mustangs)
• 8:00 am - Shawn Sr. at Habitat for Humanity worksite with other Jones Day attorneys
• 10:00 am - Shawn Jr. basketball practice with Dallas Thunder (Brittany skipped this practice)
• 10:30 am - Triniti t-ball game with Lake Pointe (our church) team (Blue Jays vs. Mustangs)
• 1:00 pm - Brittany basketball game on a team coached by Shawn Sr. (Pink Ladies vs. Lady Jackets)
• 2:00 pm - Shawn Jr. baseball practice with Dallas Colts
• 3:00 pm - Noelle and Brittany basketball game (Cheetah Girls vs. Pink Ladies Jr.)
• 4:00 pm - Brittany basketball game (Press vs. ??)
• 6:00 pm - Shawn Jr. basketball game (Press Black vs. Speed)
• 6:30 pm - Triniti at birthday party with a friend from church at Little Gym
• 7:00 pm - Brittany attends church and helps in children's area
• 7:00 pm - Shawn Jr. basketball game (Press White vs. Texas 76ers)
• 8:00 pm - Shawn Jr. basketball game (Press Black vs. Ballers)
• 11:59 pm - Shawn Jr. has Evan Ford (longtime friend from baseball) spend the night

To recap that is 7 basketball games, 3 sleepovers, 1 basketball practice, 1 birthday party, 1 baseball practice, 1 t-ball game, and time at church. That's some serious activities (and socialization). So yeah, my kids spend some time out of the house with other kids.

P.S. - Because Misty and I have 5 kids that are very active, people often ask - "how do you do it." This question most often comes from other parents that have 1 or 2 children. In their mind, it is hard to run around 1 or 2 kids - and they are right. Well, here is the secret - divide and conquer. Seriously. On the weekends Misty and I are almost never together during the day. We are running kids here, there and everywhere. At times we even send kids with coaches and friends to get them to activities if we have more than 2 going on at the same time. Thanks to all those out there that help us!! When number 6 gets older - I have no idea how we will do it.